• Mark Bird

Urge To Blurt!

I was sitting with my class in assembly the other day and I suddenly got the primal urge to blurt something highly inappropriate out. If I really dared shout something, what would happen? Would I ever work again? And the more you think about the terrible consequences, the more you worry that you're really going to blurt something shocking out: something that could change (ruin) you life forever! 😂 😱 📣


Back in class, I asked if it happens to the kids. The universal response was, "Yesssss!!!"

I was desperate to ask, "What's the worse/ most hilarious thing you could blurt out in assembly. Of course, I didn't dare. 😜


Instead, I thought I'd write my first poem of 2022 - all about that urge to blurt. However, I'd leave the the final stanza unwritten, just so the children have the opportunity to express their worst, poetic blurts in private.


Just keep the metre tight! 🙏



Urge to Blurt!


So do you get that urge to blurt

(Your bum’s gone numb, your ankles hurt)

a naughty word, a random phrase

in school assembly - dazed and glazed?


The more you will the words away

The more they bounce and flounce and stay

The more you shush your noisy head

The more the words scream, “MAKE US SAID!”


And then you daydream, if you did

what then would happen to the kid

who blurted words and silly sounds

as teachers fainted on the ground


The words grow braver on my tongue

I hold my mouth; I must be strong

They trampoline and pinch and bout

They tell my mouth, “Just let us out.”


I panic as the words grow worse

Absurd, wild thoughts; a nonsense curse!

My brain commands, “It’s time to blurt -

they’re only words; how can they hurt?”


But what will my headteacher do?

The Nursery kids? Miss Cottoncoo?

Will I then be expelled from school?

Forevermore, The Foul-Mouthed Fool.


Or even worse, they’ll call the cops

I’LL GO TO JAIL! The panic stops …

Bad thoughts retreat, rude words all flee

and fade to live subconsciously


I free my lips, remove my hand

But what I fail to understand

These words are clever; I am thick

They hadn’t gone; it’s just a trick


Help me please, they’re coming out

It’s not my fault,” I plead and shout.

My brain it led my thoughts astray

Convinced me that today’s the day -


to blurt a thing I never I should

It’s bored because I’m always good.”

The silence falls, the children stare

The teachers gawp, the head just glares


I realise, it’s not too late

There’s still a chance to change my fate

“Oh no there ain’t!” my brain conspires

And from my mouth, the canon fires ...


Mark Bird



Teaching idea: Let the children write a final stanza: their own poetic blurt! (f you dare).


Nickelodeon's "Blurt!"

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