I wrote this after the whole #JimmyChooChewShoe stanza in my recent poem: The World's Best Dog Groomer.
It's about as political as I'm ever going to get... but really it's all about silliness, fun and the craziness of the world we live in.
Coco’s Jimmy Choo-Chew Shoe
I’m fabulous and filthy rich
I’ve palaces – Nineteen!
All built with bright, gold bullion bars
From space, they can be seen
I’ve private islands, up for rent
I’ve jets in every land
And what’s a bit of CO2?
(Prince Harry understands)
I holiday upon the moon
I own the nearby stars
I cruise the universe with kings
I’ve bought a place on Mars
I’ve Dalis in the dining room
I’ve Kahlos – kitchen-strung
I’ve Basquiats on bedroom walls
I’ve Hokusais – hall-hung
I’ve Shakespeare’s oldest folio
The Magna Carta too
and Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales
I read them on the loo
My breakfast eggs are Fabergé
(although they don’t taste nice)
But Tuscan Truffle tea’s delish
on cubes of Arctic ice
But it’s boring having everything;
So I sourced a catalogue
that sold the rich the rarest goods
like clouds and floating dogs
The newest breed - a hybrid treat:
a cross of cat and hound
was called a Purr-Meranian
I paid one million pound
But not one pet shop in the world
sold treats to make her glad
My Coco had to be the best
or friends would think I’m mad
I surfed the internet all night
for wallet-busting chews
and finally found the perfect thing -
A site called Jimmy Choo
I bought a Jimmy Choo-Chew shoe
The perfect gift for dogs
(so good that humans wear them too
on soya latte jogs)
They’re wonderfully expensive toys
An opulent, safe brand
The diamond pumps are Coco’s fave
and cheap at just four grand
She gnaws, destroys a Choo each day
At last! Hooray! Whoopee!
My Coco’s happy, so am I;
they’re Buy One, Get One Free!
Poor people should aspire much more
I really thinks it’s funny
when human beings do prefer
to have more sense than money!
Mark Bird
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