Mark BirdLola: The World's Best Dog Groomer & Kim Kardashian
Updated: Sep 18
I love when a conversation with a loved one makes you turn an idea and a simple everyday phrase on it's head. We were walking our wonderful dog, Blondie, in the park in West London when the idea came to us!
I never thought I'd be writing about Kim Kardashian but she's the perfect muse for the poem. It's written with respect and humour.
I hope you all enjoy it. I'm sure you'll guess the twist.
P.S. Thanks to https://twitter.com/BardyMum for the inspiration behind the penultimate stanza!
Lola: The World’s Best Dog Groomer
Her name is Lola, she’s the best
A top dog groomer, rare and blessed
From Kim Kardashian, Kanye West
In Lola’s parlour, all invest
Her waiting list is three years long
She’ll turn a look to right from wrong
Her magic skills, to primp and perm
make other poodle groomers squirm
But Kim Kardashian jumped the queue
“I influence! I know who’s who!”
Her Pomeranians plumed their tails
as Kim admired her pierced nails
“I want the works, add bling, add chic
add top knot bows, add Botoxed cheeks!
I need an instant Twitter fix
I want a billion Insta clicks.”
So Lola worked her scissor tips
She sprayed the hair, she filled the lips
She plumped the rear, she waxed the jaws
She shaved the legs, she scrubbed the pores
And hours on, in perfumed mist
Kim clapped her hands and mirror-kissed
“Oh doll,” she said, “ I look so hot!”
on Lola’s poodle parlour yacht
Then Kim Kardashian flooded tills
with diamonds, pearls and dollar bills
“Oh Lola, I admire your art
but you’re not business savvy smart.
You must branch out. Groom pooches too!
My Pom-Poms need a ‘Lola-do’
to make them fab and fresh like me.
You are a dog! Why don’t you see?
Your talent’s huge, please understand
A dog who grooms is in demand!”
Upon hind legs Ms. Lola sighs
She files her claws and rolls her eyes
She wags her tail from left to right
She sniffs her bits and takes a bite
and gnaws her favourite Jimmy Choo -
a fake faux pearl-embellished shoe
“I’m sorry hun, I’m one proud poodle
So get that jammed inside your noodle
I human-groom, I fashion togs
I people-preen, I DON"T DO DOGS!”
Mark Bird
P.S. Lola's favourite Jimmy-Choo-Chew-Shoe can be bought at the following link 😜
