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  • Writer's pictureMark Bird

Don't Be Such A Silly Batch! A Poem About Bread.

Updated: Jun 26, 2023

After posting my poem, Life's a Loaf on Twitter last night, I had a very punny exchange with the brilliant poet and illustrator Colin West. I had to record it for posterity with a few more added.


So here's my second poem about bread in the same week.


Now over to you...


Ready, bready, go!


You’re Such A Silly Batch!


Are you having me (crout)on?

(Ba)guette real

Don’t be sour(dough)

You’ll not get a rye(s) out of me

Haven’t I spel(t) it out for you enough?

Crumbs, I’m on a roll now

When I see you, you’re brown bread

Until then, I’ll keep you at Ba(gel)

Challah tell you the truth

You always leave me feeling so flat (bread)

You’re pitta(ful)

Even my naan says so

I’m not a bad chap(ati)

So I hope you rot(i) in hell

Don’t forget I tort(illa) you all you know

And I’ll never lavash you with love again

You (cia)batta my brain with your nonsense

Soda truth is, you’re a silly batch

You’re muffin without me

I’m not just a piece of crumpet

You’d (pret)zel your soul to the devil

You’re so (bri)oche-tentatious

So just foc(accia) off!


Mark Bird (with words from Colin West)


Two batch loaves
A Bad Batch Break Up




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