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Funny Valentine Poems @ dreambeastpoems.com - Squashtastic

there must be an angel (playing with my heart) - eurythmics

Squashtastic

 

 

The only Valentine card I've ever had

is from my gran.

She sends me one every year

and signs it 'Love ?'

in wobbly writing

with 3 kisses and a love heart

that looks more like a squashed baked bean.

D'oh!

 

I'm sick of not getting a real Valentine card.

The girls at school

say I'm sweet and call me a cutey

and wish I was their little brother.

But I don't want to be cute

like a stupid baby brother.

I want a big, red card

with kisses in it.

 

My smelly older sister says I'm too nice

and sweet and kind

and that her friends prefer bad boys

who chase them round the playground

calling them names 'til they catch them

and squash them on the bench.

'Cos when you’re ten that's a sign

of true love.

 

So for the whole week before Valentine's Day

I chased the girls

shouting rude names in their lug holes

and wrestled with them at lunch.

I told them to get lost

when they asked me to take a message

about a date to my mates.

No way!

 

The day came but there was no card on my desk

or in my tray.

But when I took my school books out

something fell on the floor -

a big red envelope.

Everyone saw and rushed over.

"Open it then," they shouted.

So I did!

 

The whole class hollered,"Ooo it’s got 3 kisses,

and wobbly writing

so you don't guess who it's from."

"She must really fancy you," the girls said -

"she’s put a big love heart at the bottom."

"Shame she can't draw," my mate pointed -

"it looks more like a squashed baked bean."

Everyone laughed.

 

I stood the card up behind my pencil case

and grinned to myself.

At break time a big group of girls

rushed towards me

giggling and calling me names.

They dragged me through the football match

and pushed and crushed me on the bench.

It hurt like hell.

 

"What's the secret password?" they squealed,

"and then we’ll let you go."

"Squashtastic!" I yelled

And ran for my life.

 

©2010 Mark C Bird

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