Coco’s Jimmy Choo-Chew Shoe

I wrote this after the whole #JimmyChooChewShoe stanza in my recent poem: The World's Best Dog Groomer.


It's about as political as I'm ever going to get... but really it's all about silliness, fun and the craziness of the world we live in.


Coco’s Jimmy-Choo-Chew-Shoe


I’m fabulous and filthy rich

I’ve palaces – nineteen!

All built with bright, gold bullion bars

From space they can be seen


I’ve private islands, up for rent

I’ve jets in every land

And what’s a bit of CO2?

Prince Harry understands!


I holiday upon the moon

Why would you go to Spain?

I cruise the world with kings and queens

Who’ve no use for a brain


I’ve Dalis in the dining rooms

I’ve Kahlos – kitchen-strung

I’ve Basquiats on bedroom walls

I’ve Hokusais – hall-hung


I’ve Shakespeare’s Folio, unique

The Magna Carta too

They’re coffee table fodder, but

I keep mine in the loo


My Fabergé breakfast eggs

always taste quite nice

and gold-leaf, truffle tea’s so good

when poured on glacier ice


It’s boring having everything;

I sourced a catalogue

that sold the rich the rarest goods

like clouds and priceless dogs


The newest breed - a hybrid treat:

a cross of cat and hound

was called a Purr-Meranian

I paid one million pound


But not one pet shop in the world

fulfilled my latest fad

My Coco had to be the best

or friends would think I’m mad


I surfed the internet all night

for wallet-busting chews

and finally found the perfect thing:

a site called Jimmy Choo


I bought a Jimmy choo-chew shoe

The perfect gift for dogs

(and even humans wear then too

to match their Gucci togs)


They’re wonderfully expensive toys

An opulent, safe brand

The diamond pumps are Coco’s fave

and cheap at just four grand


She gnaws, destroys a Choo each day

At last! Hooray! Whoopee!

My Coco’s happy, so am I;

they’re Buy One, Get One Free

Poor people should aspire much more

I really thinks it’s funny

when human beings do prefer

to have more sense than money?


Mark Bird



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