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  • Mark Bird

Coco’s Jimmy Choo-Chew Shoe

Updated: Jan 8

I wrote this after the whole #JimmyChooChewShoe stanza in my recent poem: The World's Best Dog Groomer.


It's about as political as I'm ever going to get... but really it's all about silliness, fun and the craziness of the world we live in.


Coco’s Jimmy Choo-Chew Shoe



I’m fabulous and filthy rich

I’ve palaces – Nineteen!

All built with bright, gold bullion bars

From space, they can be seen


I’ve private islands, up for rent

I’ve jets in every land

And what’s a bit of CO2?

(Prince Harry understands)


I holiday upon the moon

I own the nearby stars

I cruise the universe with kings

I’ve bought a place on Mars


I’ve Dalis in the dining room

I’ve Kahlos – kitchen-strung

I’ve Basquiats on bedroom walls

I’ve Hokusais – hall-hung


I’ve Shakespeare’s oldest folio

The Magna Carta too

and Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales

I read them on the loo


My breakfast eggs are Fabergé

(although they don’t taste nice)

But Tuscan Truffle tea’s delish

on cubes of Arctic ice


But it’s boring having everything;

So I sourced a catalogue

that sold the rich the rarest goods

like clouds and floating dogs


The newest breed - a hybrid treat:

a cross of cat and hound

was called a Purr-Meranian

I paid one million pound


But not one pet shop in the world

sold treats to make her glad

My Coco had to be the best

or friends would think I’m mad


I surfed the internet all night

for wallet-busting chews

and finally found the perfect thing -

A site called Jimmy Choo


I bought a Jimmy Choo-Chew shoe

The perfect gift for dogs

(so good that humans wear them too

on soya latte jogs)


They’re wonderfully expensive toys

An opulent, safe brand

The diamond pumps are Coco’s fave

and cheap at just four grand


She gnaws, destroys a Choo each day

At last! Hooray! Whoopee!

My Coco’s happy, so am I;

they’re Buy One, Get One Free!

Poor people should aspire much more

I really thinks it’s funny

when human beings do prefer

to have more sense than money!


Mark Bird


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