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Mr Gooze | Surreal, Funny School & Teacher Poem for Kids @ dreambeastpoems.com

Mr Gooze



After the school holidays

about a week ago

Miss Scent, our cool headmistress left

because she had twelve toes


I loved Miss Scent so very much

She had the sweetest smile

But, two toes, they had to go

and the op would take a while


So filling in was Mr. Gooze

who seemed a little weird

He parachuted into school

with only half a beard


He finished his assembly

with one piece of advice -

“When reading from your books,” he sang,

“it’s best to close your eyes."


Things they went from bad to worse

as Mr Gooze took rule,

“It’s time to do things differently

in such a dreary school.”


“You MUST run in the corridor.

Punch ANYONE you feel.

Detention if you listen well.

Rewards for those who squeal.”


“The uniform is grey and dull!”

he screeched above the noise.

“Tomorrow wear bikini suits.

That’s girls as well as boys."


He made us climb up library shelves

to walk his dreaded plank

Then count to three and belly-flop

down into goldfish tanks


“Two and Two is four they say!

They’re really incorrect.

Two and two is ninety-six.

They really should have checked."


His first week finally over

The school had gone quite mad

Homework was – ‘to eat ten worms.’

I ran home to tell my Dad


But he just thought I’d made it up

“Your imagination’s wild.

Mr Gooze sounds like a laugh.

Now do your homework child."


Monday morning came too quick

Mad Gooze was at the gate

He told me I was fabulous

for being very late


The teachers had been forced to have

a piercing or tattoo

When they complained he gunged them all

at meetings in the loo


Lunch was served in doggy bowls

and placed upon the ground

“Let’s wag our tails and woof!” he barked

“Let’s piddle like we’re hounds.”


That was it and that was that

I couldn’t take no more

Mr Gooze had lost his mind

and rolled across the floor


I called the police immediately

They hurried to the scene

where Sir was kissing skipping ropes

and screaming, “I'm the Queen!"


A gang of doctors in white coats

shoved him in a van

and said he'd not return as he

was quite an ill, old man


So glad I was the next school day

Miss Scent had come back early

“At last I have ten toes,” she gushed

Her hairstyle new and curly


“And what’s more,” she grinned and purred

“I have some happy news -

I’m marrying the man I love.

His name is Mr Gooze!”


©2009 Mark C Bird


let's go crazy - prince

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