I am Mathematic Mick
I love my five times table
From 9 at school I chant it loud
until the end of day bell

English on the other hand
is full of silly rules
An alphabet for dummies
making sentences for fools

Whoever figured twenty six
had brains of mashed potato
Two thirteens is bad luck twice
5² is less but greater

From this day on, forever more
I do hereby propose
an alphabet of twenty-five
I'd cope with one of those

As if one letter, minuscule
A squiggle-line, a scrawl
will make much difference anyway
I’d like to drop them all!

The gang of vowels, they can stay
as there are five of those
An extraordinary digit!
Just ask your hands and toes

It’s clear the one to get the boot
Obese for all to see
A wobbling, clowning piece of text
Get rid of letter B!

And now we have that sorted out
I, Mathematical Mike
Will tell you all about myself
The things I really like

I love...

#eating up my cousins
The #rain that’s in my head
Racing round on #icycles
Runny #oiled eggs

I love...

Making dens in #oxes
My eyes tremendous #rows
Giving #roaches to my nan
To pin upon her #louse

I love...

Skidding in a #lizzard
Deep electric #lues
Walking my pet #eagle Jill
Grizzly #ears in zoos

I love...

#owls filled with ice-cream
Fixing laptop #lips
Spiking up my sun-#leached hair
#ooing when girls skip

So the end’s a happy one
The alpha#et revived
So much neater than #efore
Hooray for five times five

Very glad it all makes sense
and such an easy chore
Why don't we keep su#tracting?
Exterminate five more!

©2009 Mark Bird