Lola: World’s Best Dog Groomer. Poem with a twist for kids

Lola: World's Best Dog Groomer

Her name is Lola, she’s the best
A top dog groomer, rare and blessed
From Kim Kardashian, Kanye West
in Lola’s parlour, all invest

Her waiting list is three years long
She’ll turn a look to right from wrong
Her magic skills, to primp and perm
make other poodle groomers squirm

But Kim Kardashian jumped the queue
“I influence! I know who’s who!”
Her Pomeranians plumed their tails
as Kim admired her pierced nails

“I want the works, add bling, add chic
add top knot bows, add Botoxed cheeks!
I need an instant TikTok fix
I need a billion Insta-clicks.”

So Lola worked her scissor tips
She sprayed the hair, she filled the lips
She plumped the rear, she waxed the jaws
She shaved the legs, she scrubbed the pores

And hours on, in perfumed mist
Kim clapped her hands and mirror-kissed
“Oh doll,” she said, “ I look so hot!”
on Lola’s poodle parlour yacht

Then Kim Kardashian flooded tills
with diamonds, pearls and dollar bills
“Oh Lola, I admire your art
but you’re not business savvy smart.

You should branch out. Groom pooches too!
My Pom-poms need a ‘Lola-do’
to make them fab and fresh like me.
You are a dog! Why don’t you see?

Your talent’s huge, please understand
A dog who grooms is in demand!”
Upon hind legs Ms. Lola sighs
She files her claws and rolls her eyes

She nibbles on a Jimmy Choo
(a fake faux pearl-embellished shoe)
She shakes her head, shut tuts and huffs
She stifles her most fierce Wuff

“I’m sorry hun, I’m one proud poodle
So get that jammed inside your noodle
I human-groom, I fashion togs
I people-preen, I DON’T DO DOGS!”

Mark Bird ©2021

💡As the poet behind "Lola: World’s Best Dog Groomer", I wanted to create something playful and unexpected; what starts as a celebrity-style dog poem takes a twist into role reversal and character comedy. It’s a great springboard for classroom creativity. Teachers can invite children to invent their own animal-run businesses and write poems with a twist for kids: perhaps a guinea pig hairdresser or a parrot personal trainer. Pupils could explore the idea of pets behaving like people, or flip it completely - what if humans had to visit the vet for pampering? In drama, students can roleplay scenes from Lola’s poodle parlour or act out interviews with famous animal clients. This is also a fun opportunity to explore rhyme, rhythm, and voice by rewriting a verse from Kim’s point of view. If you’re exploring funny dog poems for kids, Lola is full of personality and ready to inspire plenty of tail-wagging creativity!