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Lola:World’s Best Dog Groomer

A poodle sits in a parlour with its head in a hairdryer.

Her name is Lola, she’s the best
A top dog groomer, rare and blessed
From Kim Kardashian, Kanye West
in Lola’s parlour, all invest

Her waiting list is three years long
She’ll turn a look to right from wrong
Her magic skills, to primp and perm
make other poodle groomers squirm

But Kim Kardashian jumped the queue
“I influence! I know who’s who!”
Her Pomeranians plumed their tails
as Kim admired her pierced nails

“I want the works, add bling, add chic
add top knot bows, add Botoxed cheeks!”
I need an instant Twitter fix
I need a billion Insta-clicks.”

So Lola worked her scissor tips
She sprayed the hair, she filled the lips
She plumped the rear, she waxed the jaws
She shaved the legs, she scrubbed the pores

And hours on, in perfumed mist
Kim clapped her hands and mirror-kissed
“Oh doll,” she said, “ I look so hot!”
on Lola’s poodle parlour yacht

Then Kim Kardashian flooded tills
with diamonds, pearls and dollar bills
“Oh Lola, I admire your art
but you’re not business savvy smart.

You should branch out. Groom pooches too!
My Pom-poms need a ‘Lola-do’
to make them fab and fresh like me.
You are a dog! Why don’t you see?

Your talent’s huge, please understand
A dog who grooms is in demand!”
Upon hind legs Ms. Lola sighs
She files her claws and rolls her eyes

“I’m sorry hun, I’m one proud poodle
So get that jammed inside your noodle
I human-groom, I fashion togs
I people-preen, I DON’T DO DOGS!”

Mark Bird ©2021

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