Halloween Date From Hell

Halloween Date From Hell

I'm sick of chopping creatures up
I'm tired of making broth
filled with bleedin’ legs of frog
and flaky wings of moth

So I bought ‘The Undead Times’ last week
and clawed the classifieds
to find a date for Halloween -
an ugly one who’s died!

Being the busiest time of year
the list was not the most -
A mischief-seeking goblin,
A bored, retired ghost

Confused and lonely werewolf types
who couldn’t do full moons
A vampire who’d prefer to not
do sunny afternoons

A pumpkin-monster desperate
for air-heads with a grin
A skeleton who'd like to meet
a slim thing thin on skin

I was just about to give up when...
right there on the next page
was a gorgeous, grotesque zombie
thirteen times my age

My wrinkly heart began to beat
His search was for a hag
with warts and boils and super-nose
who liked to dress in rags

It couldn’t be more perfect
We met All Hallows Eve
but when he kissed my veiny hand
his arm fell from his sleeve

As I bent down to pick it up
he tried a quick embrace
and accidentally bashed my boil
which burst upon his face

Silence first but then we laughed
It echoed in the doom
He dragged me to the picnic
he’d laid out on his tomb

We crunched on bats and vulture’s beaks
He boasted he's a killer
and that he was an extra once
in Michael Jackson’s Thriller

He lunged at me with his fat lips
then licked my warty chin
He stroked my wiry, bracken hair
and nibbled my old skin

A love like this I’d never known
He lurched me to my door
He soaked me with a goodnight kiss
His tongue fell on the floor

The local kids fled from the streets
and gangs of adults too
I beckoned in my juicy hunk
to taste my special brew

He grunted to the kitchen stove
The cauldron bubbled hot
I stroked his chest, then shoved him hard
with all the strength I’d got

Well I’m sick of chopping creatures up
I’m tired of making broth
But zombies are much easier
as bits of them fall off

No fiddly scraps of moth or frog
No complicated spell
Just a gristly, grisly Halloween stew
A match sure made in hell!

©2009 Mark Bird