Harriet Half
Have you ever heard of Harriet Half?
She’d more than a curious name
Identity torn from her day of birth
Peculiar life just the same
Her mum always dressed her left side in pink
Her daddy the right side in blue
So half of the child in make-up and heels
The other with stick-on tattoos
When Harri arrived, the first day of school
The playground fell silent with shock
With half looking smart in Dad's old grey suit
And half with a pigtail and frock
In class the halves fought, confused & distraught
First Pinky shoved Blue to the shelf
Then Bluey got mad and landed a punch
Poor Harriet beat up herself
The teacher leapt in to stop the strange fight
Suggested the kids needed space,
'You know what’ll cheer you up Harriet Half?
A jolly, old game of kiss chase!'
But chaos tornadoed around the school grounds
As Harri rampaged on the wild
Not knowing the rules, she slobbered and kissed
Regardless the sex of the child
The head teacher watched, bemused from above
While slurping her cucumber crush
And finally phoned the parents at home
Suggesting it best if they rush
The parents arrived - were ordered to sit
Ms. Glugg said, 'You're both a disgrace.'
She pointed at Harri - pale and perturbed,
'Just look at her semi-sad face!'
'There's no need to worry,' Mum said and smiled,
'we’re going to file for divorce.
You could choose who with, you'd rather go live,
we'd still have to go through the courts.'
Pure fury and grief united the halves
And Harri spoke out with a shriek
'For three and a half days, I'll live with my mum,
and Dad for the rest of the week.'
'But we know a way to fix this for good.'
Their eyeballs were rolling and mad
'That means you can spend each week with your mum'
'And every week too with your dad.'
Young Harriet’s head fell into her hands
Her barbecued brain in a stew
'As if I can live with both,' she cried out.
'You hardly can cut me in two!'
One last deep breath, a wink and a nod
The sign to begin their cruel plan
Mum pulled a chainsaw out of her bag
Dad drew his sword from Japan
Head first through the window, dived old Ms. Glugg
As Harriet said one last prayer
Then Mum and Dad split their daughter in two
As she shook and prayed on the chair
Now just once a year on birthdays they meet
The two angry halves, left and right
They scrap and they bout to blow candles out
They slap and they kick and they bite
So Harriet Half spends her whole life in two
Both feeling the guilt and the shame
And as is the case for most broken kids -
We really all know who's to blame
©2009 Mark C Bird
