Cussing Mothers

Two mothers were called

to school yesterday

Their boys had been terribly bad

Saying mean things

to be the 'Cuss-Kings'

and prove who's the naughtiest lad


The first one had said

“Your mama’s a clown

Red nose with her lipstick all smeared

A wiry wig

and feet way to big

At least she could shave off her beard.”


The other bad child

had cussed in return

“Well yours gobbles so many chips

she bends down at night

her bum blocks the light

and causes a lunar eclipse."


The Head told the mums

it had to stop now

or both of them would be expelled

Then grabbing at hair

the wrestling pair

of mothers threw punches and yelled


From head-lock one slid

and landed a slap

then pointed the finger of blame

“Your son is so thick

his brain is a brick

He can’t even spell his own name.”


“Now zip it you witch!

It’s your boy’s the fool

It’s plain to see mine is much cooler

Too dumb to count sheep

the length of his sleep

YOURS tries to measure with rulers!”


“Well your furry brat

looks like a baboon

You should have called him Wolverine

But do not despair

he won't need to wear

a costume when it's Halloween.”


“You're one to talk

Look at your kid

a slob with the hair of a mop

Trousers too tight

Nothing looks right

Does he work in a fancy dress shop?”

“At least his hair's clean

and not full of grease

or dripping with slimy, thick goo

or flaking with scabs

and stench of kebabs

You ever tried using shampoo?”


Headteacher jumped up

He’d had enough

and spoke with the two boys outside

The three of them knew

just what to do

A punishment must be applied


So huffing, the mums

were marched to a room

"The next time, I swear it's suspension.

Now nose to the wall!"

the headteacher bawled

and gave them two hours detention



he set the mums free

Their sons had a final surprise,

"Enough with the tears.

You're grounded all year!

So hush now and dry up your eyes."


"You're such naughty girls,"

both children spat

"Your brain's gone insane in your head!"

"Cussing is bad."

"And I’m telling dad."

"Now get yourselves straight home to bed!"


So that night the boys

each sent out a text

discussing their cussing campaign

"It went well 2day."

"I’ll C U at play."

"And we’ll start it all over again."



©2009 Mark Bird

funny kids poems
funny kids poems
funny kids poems
funny kids poems
funny kids poems
funny kids poems

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