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Cussing Mothers | Surreal & Funny Cussing Poem for Kids @ dreambeastpoems.com

Cussing Mothers



Two mothers were called

to school yesterday

Their boys had been terribly bad

Saying mean things

to be the 'Cuss-Kings'

and prove who's the naughtiest lad


The first one had said,

“Your mama's so fat,

she walks into town wearing heels,

but back from the shops,

they're flat as flip-flops.

Try buyin' her shoes made of steel!"


The other bad child

had cussed in return,

“Well yours gobbles so many chips -

she bends down at night,

her bum blocks the light,

and causes a lunar eclipse."


The head told the mums

it had to stop now

or both of them would be expelled

Then grabbing at hair

the wrestling pair

of mothers threw punches and yelled


From head-lock one slid

and landed a slap

then pointed the finger of blame,

“Your son is so thick,

his brain is a brick.

He can’t even spell his own name.”


“Zip it you witch!

Your boy’s the fool.

It’s plain to see mine is much cooler.

Too dumb to count sheep,

the length of his sleep,

YOURS tries to measure with rulers!”


“Well your furry brat

looks like a baboon.

You should have called him Wolverine.

But do not despair -

He won't need to wear

a costume when it's Halloween.”


“You're one to talk,

look at your kid -

a tramp with the hair of a mop.

Trousers too tight.

Nothing looks right.

Does he dress at the charity shop?”


“At least his hair's clean,

and not full of grease,

or dripping with slimy, thick goo,

or flaking with scabs

and stench of kebabs.

You ever tried using shampoo?”


Headteacher jumped up

He’d had enough

And spoke with the two boys outside

The three of them knew

just what to do -

A punishment must be applied


So panting, the mums

were marched to a room

"The next time, I swear it's suspension.

Now nose to the wall!"

the headteacher bawled

and gave them two hours detention



he set the mums free

Their sons had a final surprise,

"Enough with the tears.

You're grounded all year!

Now hush now and dry your puffed eyes."


"You're such naughty girls,"

both children spat.

"Your brain's gone insane in your head!"

"Cussing is bad."

"And I’m telling dad."

"Now get yourselves straight home to bed!"


That night the boys

sent each other a text

Discussing their cussing campaign -

"It went well 2day."

"I’ll C U at play."

"And we’ll start it all over again."


©2009 Mark C Bird

bad boys - wham!

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